...Translation, please?

So, my friend forwards this to me and asked if I could translate it for him.


1: Oh, how cruel is this devil that thy hath named.
2: And yet, 'twas not I who named it as thou so claims, rather 'twas thou.
1: Ah, yet 'twere that so, wouldn't thou be this devil?
2: Nay, this devil that you named lives not in flesh, rather mind.
1: So, now you presume to call me a Jekyll and a Hyde?
2: Nay, Good sire, Thou has put words I did not speak and placed them upon my tongue.
1: If that is so, Fair Dame, What is it that you claim?
2: That this devil which you named, has no form nor substance other than what you wish it.
1: Oh, So now you claim for me a mad hat lined with liquid silver?
2: Nay, nay, I only say-
1: Thou only says that I hath no sanity?
2: -that you give form to that which you fear.
1: I fear not this devil. Speak of sensible things, not thine mad prattling.
2: If thou would only listen then griped by understanding you would be.
1: Yet what understanding may come of prattling to the insane?
2: Very little if they refuse to listen.
1: Again you assault the Fortitude of my sanity, I will take no more insults from thee if I am to listen to what you have to say.
2: Then listen, and prattle no more.
1: Hurry up and say what you wish to.
2: Thou possession of sanity is not questioned, rather it is thy's grip upon the intangibility of reality, which is in question.
1: My grip is fine.
2: Be that as it may in question it remains. I simply say that by believing in this devil, which you named, it then comes into existence.
1: Ah so instead of placing the sliver hat upon my head, thy places a mantle of godhood 'bout my shoulders?
2: Nay I do not, All I say is that this devil is real only to you.
1: So then if I am to understand I must say that this devil isn't real to you?
2: Aye, now your starting to understand.
1: So, if to banish this devil is what I wish, I must resend speaking its name?
2: in a manner of speaking yes, simply you much cease your belief in its existence.
1: Ah, very well you are no more.
1: So it seems that thou were indeed the devil that I named.
3: With whom have you been speaking, sir?
1: I believe it 'twere myself.
3: what do you mean, sir?
1: I'm not sure only that I spoke with my mind.
3: then why speak aloud, sir?
1: How else does one speak with another?
3: I do not know, sir.
4: By place ink on paper and writing out the words, good sir.
1: Ah, that ‘twould indeed work, but ‘tis too much of a bother.
3: Indeed it would, sir.
4: Nay, ‘twould only be a bit more effort.
1: So you say, and yet have you ever so conversed?
4: Nay, or not for long.
1: See you assume knowledge you do not posses and speak of what you do not know.
3: He does indeed, sir.
4: Better that than speaking out in public with mine self, and having others assume that I hath no sanity.


THEN... I came up with this.


Subject 1: “The devil is mean.”
Subject 2: “I didn’t name the devil, you did.”
Subject 1: “If that were true, I would be the devil.”
Subject 2: “No, the devil lives mentally, not physically.”
Subject 1: “Are you saying I possess two separate sets of personalities?”
Subject 2: “No sir, you’re putting words in my mouth.”
Subject 1: “If that’s true, sexy lady, then what are you trying to say?”
Subject 2: “The devil you named has no other form than what you choose.”
Subject 1: “Oh, so now you call me a frightened and insane man!?”
Subject 2: “No, no, I’m only trying to say-“
Subject 1: “You think I’m crazy?”
Subject 2: “- that you give form to what you fear.”
Subject 1: “I’m not afraid of this devil. Try to make sense instead of sounding like an idiot.”
Subject 2: “If you would only listen to what I’m trying to say, you could understand.”
Subject 1: “How can you hope for me to listen if you only think I’m too crazy to understand anyway?”
Subject 2: “I can’t if you won’t try.”
Subject 1: “You call me insane again. I won’t take anymore insults If you want me to hear what you’re trying to say.”
Subject 2: “Then don’t talk, listen.”
Subject 1: “Say what you need to say.”
Subject 2: “I’m not saying you’re mentally instable, I’m saying that you can’t distinguish the intangibility of reality.”
Subject 1: “I can distinguish just fine.”
Subject 2: “I only said that by believing in this devil, it simply comes into existence.”
Subject 1: “Oh, so instead of calling me an idiot, you’re giving me the credit of creating the devil?”
Subject 2: “No, I’m saying that you are the devil.”
Subject 1: “So if I understand what you’re saying, the devil isn’t real?
Subject 2: “Now you’re starting to understand!”
Subject 1: “So if I want this devil to go away, I stop saying its name?”
Subject 2: “…Yes, but you have to stop believing in it too.”
Subject 1: “Oh, ok. You don’t exist!”
Subject 2: “So I guess you were the devil after all.”
Subject 3: “Who are you talking to?”
Subject 1: “I guess I was talking to myself.”
Subject 3: “What do you mean?”
Subject 1: “I don’t even know. I’m only sure I was speaking with my mind.”
Subject 3: “Then why even bother talking aloud?”
Subject 1: ”How could we communicate?”
Subject 3: “I don’t know.”
Subject 4: “Write down what you’re trying to say.”
Subject 1: “That would work, but it’s far too much trouble.”
Subject 3: “I guess.”
Subject 4: “No, it’ll only require a little effort.”
Subject 1: ”You say that, but you keep talking.”
Subject 4: ”No, I won’t for long.”
Subject 1: ”See! You claim knowledge of something you are unfamiliar. ”
Subject 3: ”He does.”
Subject 4: ”That’s better than speaking in public and having people assume I’m insane.”


I think I grasped the tone quite well. lol.